Handling the mamas boy
August 2, 2011 Leave a comment
Being in a relationship with a momma’s boy may not qualify as the hardest thing in the world, but it can be a close second. From the experiences of several women who have been there and done that, dating a man and his mother is to say the very least emotionally draining. Even with all the advice and effort one puts in the relationship, the drama from his mamma keeps interfering with the dream of a happily ever after.
Avoid being pushy
The careful balancing act that is your life if your man is a mamma’s boy requires extreme finesse. Think walking on eggshells in stilettos ninety five percent of the time. The harsh truth is that your options here are very limited; you either learn how to deal with it or walk and leave him with the woman in his life namely his mother. Joseph Musaalo a counseling psychologist agrees that a momma’s boy can be rehabilitated. He however warns that extreme caution and patience is required. Most women are confused by their man’s preference of another woman and tend to be aggressive and pushy. This serves to alienate the man further as he runs for consolation to the one person you want to draw him away from, dear mother.
Work with his mother
Elaborating further on the rehabilitation process, Musaalo says learning to accommodate his mother would be a good move. Instead of showing resentment, look at her as a mother and work with that. When your man sees you are on one side with his mother he may be more attentive to your grievances. Talking of grievances, the way you present them also matters. Pushy and Judgmental does not work. Employing empathy and a sense of humour may accomplish more than teary accusations ever could. While you are explaining your issues, it would be in your best interest not to make it look like an attack on his mother. Just express yourself in a calm manner, as opposed to punctuating your rants with “that woman “A talk with the mother while not an entirely good idea may work.
The way to a momma’s boy is after all through his mother. Dr Musaalo advices women who take this as an option but also remember situations where you can never have too much of it. Instead of a confrontation, approach her and talk. Tell her your fears without sounding threatening. For example if you think she is meddling in your private affairs, tell her you would like a little bit of privacy for the good of the whole family. Getting permission from her son would be a good idea, meeting with the both of them even better. Anything you do behind your man’s back can be used by the mother to make you look bad.
Understand his emotional dependency
If your man is overly dependent on his mother either financially or emotionally, you should think of understanding that first. For instance you cannot expect to wean a 35 year old who lives at home and makes a living off his mother’s businesses .That said some cases are harder than others.
Understanding the nature of dependence is foremost. If it is something emotional, you can to some degree slowly displace the mother and thus reduce his attachment. It isn’t an overnight thing though, creating an emotional connection to rival that of mother and son may seem impossible but it has been and still can be done. A good beginning would be being emotionally available for your man. This doesn’t exactly mean taking him as a little baby like his mother does. As he slowly realizes that he doesn’t have to run to his mother every time he needs a listening ear, you will notice a change. On the other hand if the dependence is financial, your task is a much harder.Slight nudges encouraging him to seek financial independence might be misread as trying to take away his livelihood.
While you can’t offer to take over the job from his mother like in the emotional dependence, you can make suggestions and applaud any effort he makes towards flying on his own. Seeking counseling together will also help him overcome any fear of being on his own. Harsh tactics like calling him a failure who eats from his mother’s sweat will only make an already delicate situation worse.
Helping an adult male become his own man and stop living under his mothers shadow may take some time. The younger your man the more hope there is of him eventually cutting the apron strings. If he is over 35 and still waits on mommy to bring home the bread, the only way to handle it is to run for the hills!